Final Fantasy 7: The Soaps Parts 1-4
by Edge of De Wall
Summary: Shera and Cid watch a soap oprea together. Cid falls asleep and has a very strange dream...
1. Part 1

FF7: The Soaps

Final Fantasy 7: The Soaps. (AKA Cid's bad dream.) Part One of Four  
  
By Edge of De Wall  
  
Disclaimer/Author's Note: This is one of the styles of writing I use usually only for humor fan fiches. Except this to be bad, this is one of my first goose at fan fiction. I do not own any of the characters in Squaresoft's Final Fanasty 7 (VII) so don't sue me because I don't own them. My spelling sucks so deal with it and don't bitch about! Thank you. Enjoy*or not*  
  
  
  
Shera is watching Soaps when Id walks in.  
  
Cid: Hi Honey! Get me some fuckin' tea!!  
Shera: Oh hi Cid your home early!!  
TV Man: I love you!   
TV Woman: But I love your father and we are going to get married ! But before  
I walk down the aisle there's something I must tell you! I'm pregnant  
and the child is yours!!  
Cid: What the hell?!  
Shera: It's called a soap opera! Sit down and watch it!  
You might like it!  
  
Cid sits down and within minutes he falls asleep while having a bad dream.  
  
  
  
  
(Soap music plays)  
This is Final Fantasy 7: The Soaps.  
  
  
Tifa and Cloud are happily together in their apartment but  
Tifa has a secret that Cloud dose not know(Mainly cause it's a secret)  
And so does Cloud!  
  
Cloud: I have to go to the store Tiff! I'll be back in a couple of minutes.  
Tifa: Okay honey!  
  
(Cloud walks out of the apartment)  
  
Tifa: Okay Cd the coast is clear!  
  
(Cid comes out of the closet)  
  
Cid: Are you sure Tifa?  
Tifa: I am positive!  
  
(They start kissing each! Then Cloud walks in!)  
  
Cloud: Hey Tifa! I forgot my AAAAA!!!!  
  
(He sees her in Cid's arms!)  
(Soap Music Plays)  
  
Cloud: Tifa how could you?! I love you!  
Tifa: And I love Cid! But before we walk down the aisle I must tell you somthing!  
I'm pregnant! And I don't know who the baby's father is!!  
  
Edge(AKA your author of this piece of crap): Who is the father of Tifa's child?!  
Is it Cloud?  
Cloud: Maybe.  
Is it Cid?  
Cid: The hell would I know!  
Is it Barret?  
Barret: I hope not!  
Is it Cait Sith?  
Cait: I'm just a stuff toy!!  
Is it Red XIII?  
Red: I'm just a big cat ::trails off:: dog thing...  
Is it Vincent?  
Vincent: Then it would look like a clone!  
Is it Hojo?  
Hojo: No I am Sephy's father!  
Is it the hunk man Sephy?  
Sephy: But I'm gay! I'm not bi!  
  
Edge: We will find out after we find out what Cloud is hiding!  
  
Cloud: Then I have to tell you somthing Tifa! I'm going out with  
Shera! And we are to be married!  
(More Soap music plays)  
(Then Aeris walks in)  
Cloud: I've also been dating Aer...  
Aeris: Your marring Shera! Then who really loves me!  
  
Edge: Who really loves...  
Vincent: Oh put a sock in it Edge.  
Edge: Vincent, shut up; this is my fan fiction. Go write your own  
Vincent::Puts a gun to Edge's head:: ...  
  
Aeris: Oh Cloud how could you!!  
Vincent: I love you Aeris!  
Aeris: Oh, um shrew you Cloud! I'm going out with Vincent!  
Tifa: Shrew that! Let's find out who the baby's father is!!  
Aeris: After you tell Cid something else slut!  
Tifa: Oh yeah! Cid, before we get married I have to tell you  
something. I'm going out with Barret!  
(More soap music plays)  
  
Cid: You Slut!  
Tifa: So what else is new.  
Cid: Then your...  
  
(Barret interups the moment and hits Edge)  
Barret: Keep me out of this Edge!  
Edge: Okey!  
  
  
(Rewind)  
  
Tifa: Oh yeah. Cid before we get married, I must tell you something,  
I'm going out with Sephiroth!!  


(Tons of soap music plays!)  
  
Cid: You Slut!  
Tifa: So! What else is new.  
Cid: Then your going to marry whoever the father is to the child!   
(Soap Music)  
(Now the big moment! The test results are in)  
Tifa: And the babies father is Cid!!  
Cid: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!  
(Soap music plays)  
  
(Cid wakes up)  
Cid: Nooo!!  
Shera: Cid! Dukes of Hazzard is on!  
Cid(Wakes up): Hell yeah!  
(Shera goes into the Kitchen)  
Shera: Oh, by the way Cid, who's Tifa?  
(Cid has a strange look)  
(Soap music plays)  
  
The End  
  
  
Didn't it suck!!!!!! Well send any flames or comments @ jamescameron_freak_model_101@hotmail.com


	2. Part 2

FF: Soaps

Final Fanasty 7: The Soaps Part Two.  
By Edge De Wall  
BTW: I'm not anti-Tifa, but I am very Anti Cloud with Tifa. I love having Tifa on my team, she is an aswome fighter, and I'm enjoying using her on my party *she's stronger than Cloud right now in the game I'm playing now.* So if I had a choice of 4 people in my party they would be:  
Cid, Vincent, Tifa, and Yuffie. I love all those characters and Cid gets spoiled the most. ^^;;;  
  
  
  
When we last left off Tifa was cheating on Cloud with Cid!  
  
Cloud: Tifa! How Could you! I love you!  
Tifa: But I love Cid and we're getting married!  
  
Tifa was pregnant!  
  
Cait Sith: But I'm just a stuff toy.  
  
Cloud was cheating of Tifa with Shera and Aeris!  
  
Cloud: I also going out with Shera and Aeris. And  
Shera and I are getting married!  
  
Vincent and Edge got in a fight.  
  
Vincent::points a gun to Edge's head:...  
  
Vincent expressed his love for Aeris!  
  
Vincent: But I love you Aeris!  
  
Tifa admitted two things. That she was going out with two other  
people!  
  
Tifa: Cid before we get married I have to tell you something,  
I going out with Barret and Sephiroth!  
Cid:You slut!  
Tifa: So what else is new!  
  
Cid was really the father of Tifa's child!  
  
Cid: Noooo!!!!  
  
And Shera found out about Tifa!  
  
Shera: By the way who is Tifa??  
  
And now for the 2nd episode of:  
Final Fanasty 7: The Soaps!  
  
  
Cid(Follows Shera into the kitchen): But Shera I.....  
  
(Cid sees her and Cloud together!)  
  
Cid: This can't be real!  
  
(And it isn't!!)  
(In the real world Tifa and Aeris are at Cid's house, while   
Shera depressed what happen!)  
  
Shera: I just told him to watch Soaps with me! I didn't know  
he would go into a coma!!  
Tifa(Comforts Shera): There there! Aeris will make him feel better!  
Aeris: It will take me a while so let's go to the hospital!  
Shera: It's all my fault!!  
Tifa: No it's not okay!  
Shera: I fill like I have no meaning thanks to Cid never expressing  
that he loves me!!!!  
Tifa: No Shera! Don't do commit Suicide! That's not the an...  
(We see what looks like Shera heads towards the Rocket,  
gets in it and goes into space to live  
the rest of her live.)  
Aeris: Well at least she didn't commit....  
(Rocket blows up)  
Aeris: Suicide.  
Tifa: This is all Cid's fault!!  
(Goes to beat the crap out of him!!!)  
Aeris: Noo!! Don't kill him! Shera would want that!!  
Tifa: But she's.....  
Shera(Comes back with a bunch of tissues)  
Aeris: Then who was...  
Vincent: Lucrecia!!!!!!  
Aeris: Never mind!  
Shera: We should Cid to a hospital idmedelty  
Aeris: Why?  
Tifa: Ummm..  
Aeris: You beat him up?!  
Tifa: Yeah.  
Aeris: A.a...a...a...a.aa,....a...^^;;  
  
(Back in Cid's dream)  
  
Cid: Shera how could you!  
Shera: Cause I love Cloud!!!!!  
Cloud: Come on honey let's kick Cid out.  
Cid(Remembers his dream): Wait, I don't need you  
I have Tifa!  
  
(Back in real life)  
  
Tifa: NO YOU DON'T!!!!  
(Tifa starts hitting him)  
Cloud: Who would have known that Cid loved Tifa so much.   
Cait: I don't blame him cause Tifa's got a nice rack!  
Tifa(Throws a bed at Cait)  
  
  
(Back in the dream)  
  
Cid: Shera there's something I have to tell you,  
  
(Back in real life)  
  
Shera: What?  
  
(Back in the dream)  
  
Cid: I love you!  
  
(Back in real life)  
  
All: AW~~~~~~!  
Edge::Vomits::  
Tifa::hits Edge:: You're ruining the moment!  
Edge: Sorry, just my inner child...  
Tifa:You are going pay for calling me a sult..  
Edge::Gulp::

(Back in the dream)  
  
At the Turks Reno and Elena are living togheter. But they are both  
have a secret that they are keeping from each other!!!  
  
Elena: Bye Reno honey! I have to get more booze!!  
Reno: Okey!!  
  
(Elena walks out the door)  
  
(Yuffie comes out of the pantry)  
  
Yuffie: Is Elena gone?  
Reno: Yes love!  
  
(They start making out! Then Elena walks in)  
  
Elena: I forgot my purse.. AAAAAAA!!!  
  
(She sees Reno with Yuffie!!)  
(Soap Music plays)  
  
Elena: How could you Reno! I love you!!  
Reno: And I love Yuffie!  
Elena: Well I have to say something!  
Reno: What?  
Elena: I love Rude!  
(Soap music Plays)  
Elena: And we are getting married!!!  
  
Rufus: What's going on!! I'm trying to dry my hair??  
  
Back at Cid's house  
  
Shera: But I love Cloud!   
  
(Soap music plays!)  
  
Shera: And we are married and have a child!!  
  
(Tons of soap music plays)  
  
Cid: NOOO!!!  
  
  
(Back in real live)  
  
  
Dr. Edge: I sorry to say that Cid has little chances of surving thanks   
to Tifa massive blows she gave him.  
All:EWWWW!!  
Dr. Edge: No not that type! The ones where you hit people!! Henatis!  
Shera: What's his chances of surving?  
Dr. Edge: 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 to 1.  
And by the way,I'm not a real doctor!!!  
  
(Soap music plays!)  
  
To be countiued!  
  
  
Did this one suck more than the first one? Tell me by  
emailing @ jamescameron_freak_model_101@hotmail.com  



End file.
